Sunday, 5 November 2006

A new role for Pigeons

I saw an amazing thing yesterday. I was walking through the local park and I was stunned to see a feral pigeon pecking away at a huge, steaming pile of dog crap, so kindly left behind by the ignorant owner of some monster dog.

So why was I amazed and not disgusted? Well, I was both actually but it started me thinking. If we can train all these irritating, dirty, nuisance city-centre dwelling pigeons to eat shit, then they would have a useful role in society...

Imagine, if every time a dog shit (should that be 'shat' or 'shitted'??) on the pavement and a flock of pigeons instantly descended on it and joyously gobbled it all up the world would be a cleaner place wouldn't it?! And people like me (and not the git that left the one in the park) wouldn't have to clean up after his dog. We could even train the pigeons to respond to a certain whistle, so every time our dogs crapped, we blow the whistle to bring in the pigeons!!

Above: Smiling now but what if it had been a newly trained pigeon? Below: No fear of pigeons. Yet

But, would it mean that...
  • pigeon poo turns from it's usually milky-white liquid into something more hideous altogether?
  • would we dread being pooed on by a flying pigeon?
  • if so, would it be worse to scatter the dog poo around in small quantities like this or better to leave dung-hills in the local park where it's easier to avoid?
  • would places like Trafalgar Square become no-go zones? Clear of poo on the ground, naturally, but what about the danger from above?
  • would it make the numerous city-centre statues more vunerable to corrosion?
  • are pigeons named after pigs?
It seems that there are still quite a few questions to be answered before I nominate my plan to a local authority. Help out with your opinions. Could it work and would it be better?

Left: Tralgar Square, London. A future no-go zone for people??

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