Monday, 30 May 2011

Moving house, part 1


Load the big car up with as many boxes as I can cram in. Two floors, no lift, no help. Just me and good old stamina. Bike on new bike rack on back.

5 hour drive to new city interrupted by cop on motorbike. Lets me off not having any ID, not to mention any car documents, but gives me 40 Euro fine for bike obstructing rear plate.

Whilst waiting for ticket I noticed liquid pouring out from beneath engine (breakdown assistance details still in wallet at home). Fortunately it was only air-conditioning fluid. Switch off air-conditioning.

Continue drive in 23 degrees C heat, increasing by two degrees every subsequent hour!

Arrive in new city, unload car single handedly. No time for shower, Champions League final is on, but at least able to drink real beer in Irish pub.

Go to hostal, unable to sleep due to 50 year old drunken Spanish woman thinking she was 16 again. Finally slept at 6am.

11am back to office, organising the unpacking.

Dinner Sunday evening with friends, too tired to drive back 5 hours to home.

Monday morning, 5 hour drive home, no cops. Arrive home, knackered.

No chance of writing book tonight.

Goodnight. x

Thursday, 26 May 2011

UK writers and advice

As a British man, I am hoping to get my break through a UK agent and/or publisher. Therefore, I need to be focussed on the British way of doing things. Unfortunately - and no disrespect here to my US friends - most of the on-line blogs and tweets seem to be in relation to the US market.

What I am looking for - and here is where you can help - is information pertaining to getting a book published in the UK. If you know of any good advice sites and/or Twitter accounts, please feel free to add them to the comments here.

All advice will be greatly welcomed.


Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Barack's Beast Bettered by Britain's Baby Beast

Barack Obama's recent unplanned introduction to the vagaries of the European road system caused a flurry of concern in Downing Street, where the British Prime Minister David Cameron had been busily planning for the impending visit of the US President and his wife. Hoping to avoid a similar embarrassment to the one which occurred as the presidential cavalcade left the US Embassy in Dublin, the PM instructed MI5 to come up with a solution - fast. “After all,” he said, “Britain's road system is exactly the same as Ireland's.”

A spokesperson for Downing Street denied that the PM was concerned that recent budget cuts had undermined his belief in the British police “to be able to look after the President properly”, stating that “the PM had full confidence in the British security services”. He also added that "such an amateur over site by the US Secret Service in their own back yard would never occur on British soil if British security personnel were involved, I can assure you."

“Despite such fears, in the spirit of the 'special relationship' that still exists between the UK and the US, the PM has decided to offer the President and the First Lady full use of a British, purpose built Baby Beast that won't get stuck on any bumpy bits, and costs just a fraction of the 'safest car in the world’.”

British writer Diem Burden, the proud owner of the black 1996 Rover Mini limo, stated, “The Baby Beast, or Burp as I like to call it, might not be the safest car in the world but it does go over bumps with ease, and it’s probably the most environmentally friendly limo in the world. Plus, it looks cool. British cool.’

A spokesperson for the Obama administration declined to comment, stating that they never discuss the President’s security arrangements.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Writing a book?

Only an idiot would consider writing a book. Why?

Like music, all the books have been written, all the songs have been sung. Surely only an idiot would enter this arena?

I am one such idiot.

In fact, I wrote the first book (about 90%) of a Fantasy Series before turning to a 'shorter book' to write. Let me tell you now, no such thing as a 'short book' exists.

Each book will take a lifetime to write...

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